I appear okay online, but I am not.

[Rhiannon12866]

11. I know what it's like, my friend. I lost my beloved dog two years ago at age 16 and it never gets any easier

I've had a dog for most of my life, since my Dad got us a cocker spaniel puppy (he also grew up with a cocker) and I loved her more than anything. My uncle trained his own dogs (collies), so he bought my Dad a book, "How to Train Your Cocker Spaniel." But my Dad had a tough job and worked a lot, so I read that book and ran out of things to teach her. I had that dog for 15 years and still miss her today.

Since then I've had 8 dogs in my life since I've adopted older dogs from rescue. And I've loved every single one of them so much, all wonderful dogs, and I fell apart every time I eventually lost them. I adopted my sweet cocker spaniel Barney when they said he was 10 or 11 and I had him for 8 years which means he was 18 or 19, not that it made it any easier.

My other problem was that I drank away my misery every time, even my first dog, since I was in my 20s by then and one of my parents got me a bottle of wine - to cope. And so, that's what I did every time. Except for the last time. I joined AA in 2008 and it took me awhile, but I had a wonderful sponsor who stuck with me. And so I didn't try to drown my sorrow when I lost my beloved Jack two years ago June, though he's always in my thoughts. And I have 16 years sober as of April 30th this year.

I don't know why I felt I had to share all that, but I wanted you to know that I've been there and I sure understand.