I need some prayers and good vibes sent my way..if you would be so kind.

[onecent]

25. Ah yes Banza I have thought of this also.

My husband passed in his sleep in July of 2007 (unexpectedl) For a few years after that I didn't want to live...I was NOT suicidal, but
I wasn't here. I then got shingles and took so many anxiety pills and other pills I am surprised I am still here.

Today is my birthday...and it has been one of the most awful days I have had for years. I turned 68 and I woke up
in the most foul mood I can even remember ever happening.

I have read about broken hearts..I was with him for 22 years(he is not the father of my children ) although their biological
dad was not present IN ANY FORM and Dan was their father figure since they were 15(especially my daughter).

I know my heart is broken..and i was born with a congenital heart defect (WPW Wolffe Parkinson White Syndrom) but
that was taken care of in 2001. (???) i guess.

I have a nuclear PET stress test on the 28th of May. I am praying they find something, anything.
I have had a diagnosis and a pill for EVERY THING under the sun. I am losing a great deal of respect for doctors,
but I think our medical field is getting far tooo segregated.

I hand carried xrays and records from one doctor to the other over and over AND THEY NEVER READ THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just trust me, THIS I KNOW is TRUE...NEVER READ THEM.

I am going to yield more and leave it in God's hands....and I have alot of problems doing that because I do not think
of my maker in the ways that many do. (I also know here in the forum that that is not unusual).
i believe in a supreme power, an infinite power...I believe I chose my family..that I have been here before, and will
be again back with MANY of the same people I have loved and lived beside.

But the Bible for me has far too many contradictions and I get tired of people trying to read something from Matthew, Luke
or John to aide me with my anxiety. I had one lady tell me yesterday that "all I had to do was tithe 10% of my resources to the LORD?????? OH, I SO WANTED TO SAY, OH?????? "So the Lord will let me in if I give him 10% of my earnings...???????????????

I do not NEED a church OR a priest or a POPE to help me pray.

but if in some strange way, my maker could convey to me the way to get rid of my anxiety would be to paint my entire house with a tiny paintbrush in my mouth, I WOULD DO IT IF WOULD HELP WITH ANXIETY.

Thank you for your post. I appreciate all the posts..believe me I do. but doctors are NOT always right.

Even though I carried documents, xrays, records from doctor to doctor..they would redo the very same tests....
all tests and doctors appts are scheduled weeks apart..(because IF you are going to a GOOD doctor you cannot get in to see them.. Oh, hope I'm not coming across bitchy..but it's been a long hard road.

I'm not even sure if I have ever mentioned I had parasites (been to a 3rd world country for one month EACH year from 2008 thru 2011...AND IT TOOK the doctors 11 months to give me a stool sample test (AT MY INSISTENCE).

Thanks again..have my test on Tuesday..am scared to death, and Yes, Banza, 99% of my fear is because my husband is NOT physically by my side!!!!
thanks again
Love and blessings,
Penny