Addiction & Recovery
In reply to the discussion: "It gets better" isn't just a cliche. Take it from me. [View all]xfile-gg08-0000f5d7
(20 posts)Last edited Sat Oct 23, 2021, 04:28 PM - Edit history (2)
I do appreciate your taking the time to draw me out. You know, in a way, it is tougher to have a mental breakdown at a time when everything we post on the internet or send over email basically lives for ever and most scarily could potentially be used by some qanon, anti vaxxer ransomware type to stir shit years after the fact. Look at the shit poor Dr. Fauci, a scientist of unimpeachable respectability, has to deal with. That ridiculous lab leak rubbish. And I would hate to help stir shit with obviously ridiculous allegations like NIH scientists being baby eating satanists or something (and good for them if they are satanists : -p). Let alone a relatively credible sounding faux metoo gaslighting allegation against any of my colleagues, doctors etc. I do not want shit stirred by some malicious James O'Keefe or Jacob Wohl using emails or web posts I made when I was not that well. And even those self righteous Twitter mob doofuses could try that. I never approved of the Tim Hunt, Justine Sacco or Amy Cooper/Karen crap. Being a bullying internet mob has little enough to do with genuine feminism, anti-racism etc. A sense of scale and an objective, non robotic perspective about oneself or other people is the foundation of self awareness.
So thank you . I don't really like talking about any of this. There are still days when I doubt that I was actually unwell and blame my own lack of self control, my own self indulgence, self absorption and paranoid tunnel vision and think it is too easy to claim I was mentally ill and not just a moronic jerk. But it was not entirely under my control possibly. I am not sure anymore. I blame myself mostly and that is the path to forward movement. After all it is not my problem if it was someone else's fault. But as someone who has been fairly lucky and been tolerated far more than they should have been by people, I try to avoid having a grievance complex. I cannot recollect exactly anymore, but I think I was in some distress because of these endles, negative, narrow mental themes and now that I am on Prozac I feel bad.
In the past two weeks I sent out some emails to try to do the making amends step of AA. Normally I find that to be an exercise in narcissism. I mean who cares and bringing it up may stir shit again. But though I hesitated because of qanon, ransomware etc. I felt it was the right thing to do :-/. I will probably not talk about this much on the boards or in email etc. But I can finally pm you again. I have 10+ posts. I hope I can merge this account with my old nam78_two account...
Goodbye for a month or so..work deadline...Death and taxes...the only realities eh. See you in December
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(heh heh Fox News' "terrorist fistbump" ...
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