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23. Thanks a lot
Sat Oct 23, 2021, 11:29 AM
Oct 2021

Last edited Sat Oct 23, 2021, 04:28 PM - Edit history (2)

I do appreciate your taking the time to draw me out. You know, in a way, it is tougher to have a mental breakdown at a time when everything we post on the internet or send over email basically lives for ever and most scarily could potentially be used by some qanon, anti vaxxer ransomware type to stir shit years after the fact. Look at the shit poor Dr. Fauci, a scientist of unimpeachable respectability, has to deal with. That ridiculous lab leak rubbish. And I would hate to help stir shit with obviously ridiculous allegations like NIH scientists being baby eating satanists or something (and good for them if they are satanists : -p). Let alone a relatively credible sounding faux metoo gaslighting allegation against any of my colleagues, doctors etc. I do not want shit stirred by some malicious James O'Keefe or Jacob Wohl using emails or web posts I made when I was not that well. And even those self righteous Twitter mob doofuses could try that. I never approved of the Tim Hunt, Justine Sacco or Amy Cooper/Karen crap. Being a bullying internet mob has little enough to do with genuine feminism, anti-racism etc. A sense of scale and an objective, non robotic perspective about oneself or other people is the foundation of self awareness.


So thank you . I don't really like talking about any of this. There are still days when I doubt that I was actually unwell and blame my own lack of self control, my own self indulgence, self absorption and paranoid tunnel vision and think it is too easy to claim I was mentally ill and not just a moronic jerk. But it was not entirely under my control possibly. I am not sure anymore. I blame myself mostly and that is the path to forward movement. After all it is not my problem if it was someone else's fault. But as someone who has been fairly lucky and been tolerated far more than they should have been by people, I try to avoid having a grievance complex. I cannot recollect exactly anymore, but I think I was in some distress because of these endles, negative, narrow mental themes and now that I am on Prozac I feel bad.

In the past two weeks I sent out some emails to try to do the making amends step of AA. Normally I find that to be an exercise in narcissism. I mean who cares and bringing it up may stir shit again. But though I hesitated because of qanon, ransomware etc. I felt it was the right thing to do :-/. I will probably not talk about this much on the boards or in email etc. But I can finally pm you again. I have 10+ posts. I hope I can merge this account with my old nam78_two account...

Goodbye for a month or so..work deadline...Death and taxes...the only realities eh. See you in December
.
(heh heh Fox News' "terrorist fistbump&quot ...

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

That's wonderful news! MLAA Sep 2021 #1
not sure what to say - congratulations for sure rurallib Sep 2021 #2
That sounds like a most rewarding place to have reached. 3catwoman3 Sep 2021 #3
thanks bif RainCaster Sep 2021 #4
Not only does it get better .. it affords us tools & allies that guide us for the rest of our lives MichaelSoE Sep 2021 #5
Thanks bif Stuart G Oct 2021 #6
What a wonderful phrase: " I want to be known for what I do, not what I don't do." . . . Journeyman Oct 2021 #7
Week 2 of sobriety here xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #8
Thank you so much for sharing your story - and congratulations on your second week! Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #9
Hey Rhiannon :-) xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #10
That should be no problem for you. All you need to do is contact EarlG. That's what happened to me Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #11
Great! xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #12
I can contact EarlG for you like I did for so many after the 2016 hack - and he can give you access Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #13
That would be great xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #15
Okay, and that does make sense. Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #17
Hey I decided to stick with this account xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #25
Your original account from 2006 with 13,100 posts and a Star was nam78_two Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #26
Oh yay xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #27
You just need to let EarlG know your email address so he can send you a new password Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #28
I will send you a pm after I log back on xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #29
You can change your password at any time, but that should get you started Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #30
Yes I've been in AA since 2008. I tried everything, kept going back to the doctor, but AA worked for me Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #14
Congratulations on 12 years sober xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #16
And AA doesn't prohibit anything, it just gives you the tools and support to get and stay sober. Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #18
Interesting.. xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #19
Isn't that a comedy? I'd guess that they go for laughs over than honestly depicting recovery Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #20
Very cool xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #21
Probably a little of both. Rhiannon12866 Oct 2021 #22
Thanks a lot xfile-gg08-0000f5d7 Oct 2021 #23
SMART recovery program is working for me. bif Oct 2021 #24
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