New to this group, hi, I'm an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

[Myrina]

3. I have read some of those books ...

I've also found Pema Chodron's audio books to be very calming & helpful.

And like you, I have trouble accepting the good stuff, instead making crappy choices that I only bitch and moan about -- its as if I'm at my best in crisis mode. I don't know how to handle peace and quiet -- it creates a vacuum so I have to "find" another crisis to fill it with. When do/can we ever learn to recognize and accept 'good options' and just let them in, sit still & breathe?

And why does the ACOA only rear its head at random times? Since I got kicked out of my dad's house after mom died, when I was 17, I blustered around for a few years & then had my daughter, got into college & graduated Dean's List ... relocated and landed an apartment & job within a week and settled into a "stable" life. I now own a home & my daughter's about to graduate from college. But at some point in the last 18 months, I've reverted back to the 6-year old ACOA'er who doesn't want to do anything ... I refuse to do what's good for me (career/financial-wise), and I'm just going to hold my breath until I get my way because, well, you can't make me! Nyah!! What triggers that?

I have literally been bitching about this job since the day I started, yet when an opportunity presents itself to get away from here, to make more money than I've ever made in my life (which would of course alleviate other stresses), and to do what I do well and with little effort .... I turn away from it? What normal person walks away from an opportunity to basically write their own ticket?

I wonder if there's a way to "un-map" the ingrained decision making process and re-teach myself how to look at options in a different light, and maybe make better decisions or become more confident in the decisions I do make?

It's so frustrating because it all feeds itself, and morphs into other weird behaviors/reactions that pop up like Whack A Mole.

Sigh. I need a nap now.