You Know I'm a Good Driver Because I Ace the Tests the DMV Keeps Making Me Take

[erronis]

This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by GP6971 (a host of the The DU Lounge forum).

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/you-know-im-a-good-driver-because-i-ace-the-tests-the-dmv-keeps-making-me-take
Noah Seligman

I'm proud to say I'm an excellent driver. I know this because every few months, the Department of Motor Vehicles insists I take tests to prove I'm physically and cognitively healthy enough to keep my driver's license.

In fact, no other driver in history has been asked to take as many fitness tests as I have. And I ace them all.

After driving into that organic honey stand at the farmer's market, I received a sternly worded letter from the DMV demanding I take another proficiency exam. It's actually not that easy, but for me it was easy because I have a good memory. Because I'm cognitively there. I had to remember five words. I can even do it now:

Person.
Woman.
Man.
Squirrel.
Stop sign.

The lady at the DMV was all like, "That's amazing. How did you do that?" It turns out, nobody ever gets it in order. But if you do get it in order, you get extra points. I got the extra points.

Again, I'm an excellent driver. I'm even really good at posting on my social media while driving. I did it over 550 times in April alone, that's like 18+ posts per day. How many other drivers can say they live-stream as they speed through the food court of a local shopping mall?

. . .

"President Trump has claimed he 'aced' all three cognitive tests administered to him during his first and second presidencies. The commander-in-chief further claimed that no president has ever taken part in a similar exercise when he spoke on his mental acuity at the White House Monday." -- The Independent

[GP6971]

1. Locking. Please, no politics in the Lounge.