I have to be honest with you folks. ------------------
Last edited Mon Dec 29, 2025, 11:53 PM - Edit history (1)
The reason I was off for a time was that I was terribly depressed. I snapped at underpants. whom I so enjoyed, I was not myself. Most of you know of my 70 year relationship with my parents and siblings. and the physical, emotional and sexual abuse, The last time I mentioned about this. I decided to go no contact. So I blocked them as some suggested. Well, she called my husband and he gave me the phone. It was my mother on the speaker phone, telling me that Rich filled my sisters SS papers out wrong. I have no reason why she didn't tell Rich. She ended up tell me that she never told me , because she didn't love me.Never did from the day I was born. In the Catholic Church , if a mother is having a hard delivery , the father is told to pick the one to save. Really it's a no brainer as the choice back then, was always the child. So my Father picked me to save. They pulled me out of the birth channel with forceps and broke my shoulder, ( I was the first born) She had three stitches, But from that point on, she said she hated me. At that point , she ended the call with "I love you,___not and laughed. I kept my phone blocked and told Rich to again block his. I had bought a card and put a check inside for Christmas. That evening I get a call from a number I was unfamiliar with--was my sister's. My Mother gets on the phone and asks me that my sister can't walk.It was 10:30 , Rich was sleeping. I said no, as he got his hormone injection earlier in the day. and still is taking his medical hormones at night. He vomited all day. I told her to call an ambulance or a neighbor. She said no. I said sorry I can't help you neither can Rich. Rich never blocked his phone and I received no Merry Christmas from them or that they got the card. It is sad, that after 70 years it turns out they don't love me or are proud of me. I am glad as I will no longer chase that dream. I will give that love to my husband and son and to the DUers here. My heart is cleansed.
= new reply since forum marked as read
We live you, Deb. 
Don’t let the toxicity from your family touch him. They need help with SS? let them find it someplace else.
If one of them manage to bypass you and Rich blocking them, hang up as soon as you hear their voice.
I am not Catholic but it is obvious that Catholicism is important to you, especially this time of year.
I would like to suggest that you seek therapy from within the church. Someone who understands the backgrounds and the hurt.
We all love you here. Don’t carry the pain alone. Speak to us. And we love Rich too because he loves you.
To be honest.
I told her that not too long ago.
Also, like you said, I'm not sure how Deb became such a positive person after living that hell.
The majority of us here are pleasant and friendly and I consider these members "family" if one would look at it from this perspective. Family isn't always blood relatives. It's about people demonstrating support.
Anyway just my 25 cents.
did I escaped. even at a young age , I knew that something wasn't right and engaged my self in my art, being with friends away as much as possible from my home.
I'm glad that you're going to a new therapist. Here's to better days my friend.
underpants has that affect on people!
Be well. glad your heart is cleansed.
(And love you, underpants!)
I feel so bad for you. I’m glad you’ve made your own family to take the place of the one you were born into, but that kind of pain never goes away. I wish you a better future without them.
my grandmother tried to tell me for years ... she had a good handle on the negative/narcissist person my mother had become. I was able to keep my distance pretty well by moving away, but it took a long time before I really listened and stopped feeling guilty. If you are in a funk and think you might just send them a birthday check or something - write it out to a local charitable organization that will be grateful and use the money to help someone who really needs it. Deb, you are a nice person, and you are worthy of being loved. Please focus on you and Rich in the coming new year! 
I know what family pain is like. I just bought a book called The Sugar Jar about getting more good in your life and setting boundaries.
Might help to read. My relationship with my mom was hard to the end and she lived to 96.
I wish you peace. 
Some people are born or become defective in their heart. But somehow they birthed you, and your heart is completely whole and functioning, blessing your husband, children, and us here at DU.
May the pain be wiped away by our love reciprocated.
Bad people are bad people. If they have family as part of their identity, it doesn't make them less bad nor you more obligated to take their abuse.
You get to choose the people you let into your heart now.
Let rules to keep children safe be your guide as you practice these steps.
You have so much love here Debbie, and while the hugs don't quite feel the same, you weren't getting any from them anyway lol.
May you find the strength to follow through and the peace of mind to know you're right.
Love you, John
night for a year. And I told her that about 10 years ago. But that monster is the only one she loves.