I just amused myself with a scam phone caller.

[LuckyCharms]

It's a beautiful day here. I'm sitting here at my desk doing a 2 hour long task of paying bills, and then I'm going to go outside and do some yardwork in the heat and get a good sweat going to sweat all of the meanness out of me (that's just a saying we have around here).

So, the landline rings. I could tell by the phone number it was a scam call. If I'm at my desk, I always answer them, and fuck with them on speaker phone while continuing to do my work.

Here's how it went:

Hello, is this Mr. LuckyChar...

YES! YES IT IS! WHO'S THIS?

Sir my name is...

NICE TO MEET YOU MY FRIEND! HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I'm good sir thank you, the reason I'm calling is...

IS IT A NICE DAY WHERE YOU ARE? WHY DON'T YOU GO OUTSIDE AND ENJOY THE WEATHER?

Sir, the reason...

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD GO OUTSIDE!! IT'S A SATURDAY, AND YOU'RE STUCK IN SOME SKANKY BOILER ROOM WITH A BUNCH OF IDIOTS WHO HAVE NOTHING GOING FOR THEMSELVES, AM I RIGHT?

Sir...

IF YOU WERE HERE MY FRIEND, I'D TAKE YOU OUT TO LUNCH! THERE'S A NICE BAR UP THE STREET AND WE COULD SIT ON THE DECK! I'D BUY YOU A BEER! YOU KNOW, THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN MONEY! I BET YOU HAVE TO MAKE ABOUT 1,000 PHONE CALLS TO EARN $10!! C'MON PAL...GET OUT OF THERE AND COME AND VISIT ME, I'LL BUY YOU LUNCH...SERIOUSLY!

Sir, I...

WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR? I HAVE SOME OLD SHOES THAT ARE STILL GOOD, BUT I DON'T WEAR THEM ANYMORE! I'M A SIZE 11! WOULD THEY FIT YOU? I COULD GIVE YOU SOME SHOES AFTER WE WENT TO LUNCH AND...

*click*

[eppur_se_muova]

1. Absolutely masterful. nt

[marble falls]

2. My wife answers, "Sgt Blanco with fraud investigation, I have your number on my computer, please confirm your name ...

... gets a click everytime.

[Moostache]

3. Thanks for the LOLs!!!

My wife hates it when I mess with the intrusive callers... sometimes the urge to do so is too much to resist!

[Conjuay]

19. I remember back in our out clubbing days,

A woman I knew- when someone got a little to insistent- would rattle off the number of the local police precinct.

[flor-de-jasmim]

4. Wonderful ideas!!

[multigraincracker]

5. Knee supports?

Don’t you have any of my medical records? I had both legs amputated above the knees 6 years ago. Click.

[multigraincracker]

6. Just a second. I have to go in the other

room to speak on the phone. I call you right back at the number on my caller ID.
“This number is no longer in service”.

[niyad]

7. I do adore you, LC.

[Marthe48]

8. I thought it said abused

[Niagara]

11. Pretty much

[Srkdqltr]

9. Mine are usually recordings. Yours sound like fun.

[Niagara]

10. Hey...where's my invite to lunch?

And shoes. I wear a size 10 in women's by the way.




On a serious note....you did a fantastic job with this caller, Lucky.

[LuckyCharms]

12. Holy shit. Niagara.

Isn't a size 10 in women's a size 17 in mens????

I love women with huge feet!

I'll take you to lunch anytime you want.

[Niagara]

13. If I'm looking at the conversion chart correctly

A women's size 10 equals about a men's 8.5.


So technically my feet aren't really that huge.


Thank you. I like eggs and cheese!

[LuckyCharms]

14. I was just joking about your shoe size...

And I go to my favorite diner that serves breakfast all day...

So how does a cheese omelet sound to you?

[Niagara]

15. I was teasing about the invite to lunch

But yeah I like cheese omelets!

[LuckyCharms]

16. But what if I want to take you to lunch?

[Niagara]

17. That's okay with me!

[Conjuay]

20. Fats Waller just arrived. N/T

[DFW]

18. I get them here in Germany, too

Callers from Slovakia, Russia, Bangladesh, The Philippines, all over. Since German is not widely spoken in any of those areas (Slovakia would be an exception), the boiler rooms need to train their callers in the “new” language. I can usually tell where the call is coming from. If the country code starts with 2, 6, 8 or 9, it’s usually one of “them.”

If I feel like it, I’ll take it and answer in a language the caller is not expecting, like Catalan or Swedish—or even Southern. I pick up the phone and say “Ayyup?” The caller then starts in their best German, telling me it’s my lucky day, etc. I interrupt, saying, “whatch’all goin’ on about? Ah don’t unnerstan’ any of that stuff. Y’all wanna speak German? Go call a German! They’re not hard to find here. This is Germany. They’re all over the place!” That is about when they give up.